My Wife was Always Hot
Yesterday I was looking through some old photos, of my childhood and my wife's pre-me years. This was something I have been wanting to do since I came back from vacation (to my hometown, which was a stroll down memory lane). Looking at my wife's photo albums is hard for me, because she's been previously married and has two children fathered by two other guys and seeing them in these pictures makes me a bit ... jealous isn't the right word but I can't think of the best one.
But the good part of looking at her old photo albums is that I can see her as she grew up... she had the awkward stage we all seem to have suffered from about the time of middle-school... but in each stage in every picture, I just KNOW that if I would have been around at each of these stages, she's the one I would have been hot after, at least every since about 6th grade, when girls started to appear on my radar a bit. Middle school years, high school years (especially her senior year!!! Whoa!), post H.S. -- even when she was unhappily married. I can't imagine how she all the guys who've ever known her let her get all the way to me, but I'm glad they did.
The bad part for her is that she has unfond memories of how she looked during these stages. Her outlook is better now -- I think I've helped there a lot -- and I've encouraged her to revisit her past using her own eyes, not the eyes of the people who discouraged her. It's not Revisionist History, because those who wrote her previous history aren't the authorized authors. She is. Turns out she's a heckuva lot smarter than she thought she was and was told she was and way sexier, too. No matter that her Mom told her it was her fault she was raped. It wasn't.
I don't see the advantage of putting down your wife. Worried she'll realize she's hot and leave you for someone better? Maybe "someone better" is the guy who tells his wife she's smart and she's hot? Hmm? Maybe your wife is like my wife and thrives when she's appreciated... "thrives" is very good for those activities we like, right guys?
And the process has helped me a lot, too. She's not only my wife now, but she's always been my type. I don't wish I knew her earlier because it would have muddled up the whole Plan, but it makes me pretty mad that people have treated her poorly. I wouldn't stand for it now, and it's maddening that all I can do about the existing pain is help her review her past through the only eyes that matter. Hers.
And, if you aren't married, even if you are only 13, treat those girls nice and hope that the other guys in the world are treating your future spouse with respect. It's a fair trade. I did and said a few things to three women in particular, stretching from my junior high to high school and then college years and it's hard to live with it now. Of the things in my past, those are the only things I'd change.
