An Original Rambling: If it wasn’t for bad luck…
Originally posted on my old goofiness.com website in April of 1999:
I've got all the bad luck I need right now. I'm saving it for later, when I need it. The way I see it, I'll one day be kidnapped by Middle Eastern terrorists (or Ken Starr). I'll be tied up in the back of the dark-windowed minivan as they make their way out of the country. It is then that I can start using my bad luck. For instance, I can unleash 'flat tire on dark, deserted road' or 'ugly chick hits on me' or 'pee my pants in public again'.
I'd definitely use 'hands get soaked with gasoline and catch fire'. That way, I could burn through and then break free of the frayed cotton clothes line they are using to tie me up.
By this time, the terrorists would have completely filled me in on the details of their diabolical plan to re-introduce the macarena into popular culture, as well as tickle Michael Jackson until he wets his pants (actually, this one I support...) and hack into the Pentagon's valuable military intelligence network, which is pretty easily done nowadays.
All of this reminds me of the story I heard once upon a time where there was a father whose daughter left for college in an older car with a gas gauge that didn't work. Dad always encouraged her to fill the take completely and note the miles, so she would have a rough idea of how much fuel the car had consumed and therefore could avoid running out of gas. Of course, daughter didn't listen to Dad, and only put a buck in here, a handful of change there and never knew how much fuel was left. Life is much more interesting that way.
Well, one day, her car was stolen. The thief made it about four blocks before the car ran out of gas. The thief got caught with her bad luck of running out of gas. That's why I'm saving my bad luck up.
