Open Letter from “P.K.” re: Ninjas were there

I got this from some guy who reads this blog and wanted me to get out his side of the story first published here:

http://blog.cleveland.com/metro/2009/02/judges_70yearold_wife_fights_o.html

Check out the link and then read on.  Keep in mind, I'm just the messenger here.

"Look, this story is SO, like, WRONG on so many levels.   It wasn't just an old lady, the story doesn't say ANYTHING -- ANYTHING!!! -- about the ninjas that jumped down from the ceiling.  You think I'm afraid of some woman with  a F#*@)king Emeril Legasse frying pan?  No WAY.  I beat up tons of people who come at me with kitchen items.  I took down an 80 year-old last year when she came at me with a wok.  Okay, so it hurt, but I didn't run.  And, I did manage to get that lady's purse.  Okay, so it was empty, apparently she had two purses and that was the one she took when she was getting her hair done and for bridge club.  But I didn't run!  I sauntered.  S.a.u.n.t.e.r.e.d.  Took my time.  Smoked an entire cigarette, that's how long I took strolling out of there.  Yeah, the stun gun hurt.  A lot.  But my boys have long since shrunk down to their normal size.  I mean, who stun-guns you THERE?  But, hey, proof you see.  I'm not a wuss.  And for the most part, I'm not very afraid of old ladies. (shoutout to Dr. Barber -- thanks for the help, man!)

But this woman, she had NINJAS!!! You think I'm crazy.  There were FOUR of us, and just one of her.  And, she had diamonds and an old pickle jar full of nickels and a coffee can stuffed with 5s and 10s.  Good stuff, all of it.  You think an old lady would have kept ME from that?!?  Yeah, like, right.

So we're there, right and just stealing stuff, you know, just stealing it all and putting it all in a big pillow case we took (SILK! see what I mean, me and my buddies ROCK).  And then, one of my buddies, dude named Ratcliffe (yeah, I know), Rat goes, 'hehe, lady, I ' -- did I mention he was looking at the newspaper? -- he says, 'lady, 10 down is yacht, you got it wrong.' The next thing I know these ninjas were just swarming all over the place, in my face, hitting me with stuff, like you know, Chinese stars and stuff like that.  Nunchuks.  Lots of nunchuks.  Just whacking us over the head and then my friends are like, 'arghh!! I'm leaving, get off me!' and I'm like, 'no, don't forget the pillow case' and they were scampering and didn't hear me.  So I turn to the lady and she's looking at the crossword thoughtfully and I thought, yeah, Rat was RIGHT!  Then, whack, right upside the head.

That's the last thing I remember before I woke up at county.  But, she was at least 3 feet away from me, so it HAD to be a ninja.  That whole thing about the Jack Daniels bottle isn't true either.  I bet you one of the ninjas threw it at her and she's blaming me.  And, come on, they take that dang pan for evidence but do they say anything about the throwing stars or nunchuks?  Nope.  Ain't that just like a ninja, just disappear into thin air. "