Dirty Words Script

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My wife was helping decorate for Christmas at our church. Another woman was up on a ladder putting up decorations and she slipped and slid down. She said, "Oh, S!!!!" Then she said, "Oh no! I just said S!!! in church!" This, of course, made it worse.

Now, my wife didn't care. She thought it was funny. She laughed.

But this is my biggest fear as a recently born-again Christian. I'm afraid I will accidentally swear in front of a large group from my church. I'd rather be naked.

But I have a few questions. Why can't we use certain words? Who outlawed them? How did they become bad words? Was there a vote? Were there other nominees? Are there vulgar colors, too? What about the color of flesh? Will it be a banned color because it is used in images of naked people?

I know George Carlin covered some of this territory 35 years ago, but we still have this issue, and some new dirty words. For instance, how did fag go from meaning "cigarette butt" in the 1940s to being a derogatory term for a gay man in the 1970s?

The only "dirty word" I actually understand why it made the list is the 'N' word. I can't say it now, I'm white. It's a word used in recent history to demean people, so yeah, I get it. But, there are plenty of ways to express racism and not say the 'N' word. Banning that word doesn't ban racism, unfortunately. So I don't really see the point, although I understand why it made the list.

Other words were banned before I was born. Probably it was the middle ages when clitorectomies were common that the F-bomb went out of style. But, why still? Why hasn't it evolved back to something else? Fag used to mean cigarette butt, gay used to mean happy. Why can't an F-bomb now mean soup or be the name of a car? The new Four Door Chevy Fbomb!

Will there be another word like that soon? A word that is okay to use now, but won't be later? Maybe "book?" Will it eventually be improper to even refer to the word, like when I say "F-word"?

And, if we all know what word I'm talking about, because I referred to it as "The F word," why can't I say the real word? Is it the sound of the word? Really? What about truck, buck, luck, pluck, stuck or duck? My step-father's name is Charles, but we call him Chuck. If it is the sound, then shouldn't we outlaw all the words that rhyme, too?

What about words that mean the same thing? Some people say "Oh, Fudge" or "Freakin'". One of my pastors said "no flippin' way!" the other day. Isn't that really the same thing as just saying the F-word? Aren't we talking about the same idea? If so, why can't we just say the real word? This is one of the most unexplainably strange things.

Why are some words for feces okay, while the big, bad S-word is not? I can point to a toilet and say "Wow, that's a big turd!" Or "lookout, there is a poop floating at the shallow end of the pool!" One time I heard the media pastor at church talking about video quality. He said, "it's gotta be good quality video to start with, you know, garbage in, garbage out. You can't shine a turd." I about died laughing. You can't shine a turd. I just picture him trying -- digging a big one out of a toilet and going to the pantry for the bottle of polish.

That's a lot more vivid than any thought I've ever had when someone hits their thumb with a hammer and swears.

I know what is going on. People are offended by these words. Why? Because we were told to be. There is no reason for them to be offensive. In context, shoot, fudge, crap, freaking all mean the same as their counterparts. They are just replacement words. Are we outlawing words or ideas here? If it's words, that's juvenile. But if we are outlawing ideas, that's scary. Besides, these words by themselves aren't ideas. Use them in larger context, paragraphs, books, poems, at least sentences. Those are ideas. You define words.

That is a big cock. And so is the hen standing next to him. Dick... is my friend's first name.

Look, I believe in God. I pray and read the Bible every single day; and I mean it. I feel a close relationship with God. I've no doubt in the sacrifice Jesus made for me, for us. But we are spending way too much energy on unimportant stuff here. Do you think I'll pull off the Great Commission better if I berate people who cuss? I believe when the Bible says not to use vulgar language, it is instructing us not to indulge ourselves in sharing vulgar thoughts. Just as we shouldn't immerse ourselves in pornographic images, don't give a friend a vivid account of a similar scene or comment on the chest of a female coworker. The vulgar images are made up of as-yet unbanned individual colors. The vulgar expressions should also be judged together, not as individual words.

The next thing you know we'll be banning individual letters. Like the letter "X." That's a bad one. Where do I vote?