I could care less; in fact, I have to
We all hear a lot about micro-managers and control freaks. No one addresses why someone is a control freak or micro-manager, though.
I am a foster parent, I've had probably 20 kids in my house at some point or another. There was one child who lived with us for about 2 years with whom, I figured out after he moved out, I had a caring gap. It worked like this: If I cared more about something than he did, he didn't have to care. He took it to the extreme, and the more I tried to help him get it together, the less he tried. Then I realized this is the same thing as with my children -- the teenagers in particular -- co-workers, - heck, my wife and friends. People off-load caring. If you care more than them about something that they should care more about than you, then, whew!, they don't need to care anymore. You are doing it for them.
Whatever the problem is does need to be cared about, so if someone, anyone, is doing it, great.
And along comes trust. If I have a problem I care about and want to delegate -- to a manager, employee, my plumber, whatever -- I have to trust they will do it. Micromanaging isn't a personality type, it's the manifesting a lack of trust. I don't trust you to do it right, so I do it myself, or supervise while you do it. I don't control everything because that's who I am, I control it because I don't trust other people to do it the way I want it done; I did not properly convey my vision, but it comes down to trust. If I trust I've conveyed my vision that the kitchen garbage needs to be emptied into the outside bin and then a new liner is put in, then I trust my son to do it. If he does it wrong, then I lose trust, start to pester him to do it, and do it this way. I micromanage the situation.
Trust and caring converge like chocolate and peanut butter, except the opposite. I care about the garbage making it outside because of the smell, the roaches, the fact that it overflows and that people balance milk cartons on top if it's not emptied nightly. It's important. Currently, my trust balance is equal to my caring balance. My 10 year old, every night almost, does this chore perfectly.
My younger three -- twin four year olds and a kindergartener -- like Koolaid. We have little Koolaid singles because they like to do it themselves and we let them. I don't care about the mess more than I trust that the mess eventually be cleaned up and that they'll eventually, with this experience, stop making the counters slightly purple with Grape Koolaid dust. Heck, I want them to do it themselves because I am tired of making food & drink for kids. We're going on year 13 now. But if (when) they mess up, it's not that big of deal, though sometimes I get frustrated. I delegate Koolaid Making because, in general, my trust = how much I care.
My 16 year old drives. I trust him to drive just fine, but not to make great decisions with the truck at say, 11:30pm. The later it gets, the worse made the decisions. So, he has to have it back by 10:00p (if his room is clean and he can use it at all). I'm micro-managing him a little bit because there is a gap between how much I care about him and how much I trust he'll make the right call every time.
But calling it micromanaging or control freakiness is wrong. It's trust. If you have a boss that micromanages you, he doesn't trust you. Earn his trust. Yeah, maybe it's his problem, maybe he trusts no one; so quit and find a new job. But, maybe he doesn't trust you because you've messed up, or are new, or (gasp!) are untrustworthy.
If you are a boss and you find yourself micromanaging your employees, offload the caring to them. First, ask them to do things where you have a caring gap (you don't trust them to do it). You will be stuck micro-managing foreverland if you don't step out and give trust a try now and then. If they fail, give them something easier, if they repeatedly fail, fire them. You hired them to do a job, if you do it for them, why have them? If you don't have the heart to do fire someone, that's fine. You are nice. Great, but you aren't running a business, then, you are running a charity. That's okay; in fact, that's probably how I'd handle firing some people. It's hard. But, if I make that decision, I can't expect to be a roaring business success. And, it's not fair to that employee who won't get promoted, or that child won't ever need to be responsible until other people are hurt. I care about my kids - in some things, still more than them (how they eat, that they change their underwear and brush their teeth), that's part of the deal about being a Dad.
Lately I've had a shift in job responsibilities. Most of my life I've shunned management & being a boss because I like to go it alone, do it myself, etc. The Lone Wolf thing, yeah. Lately, though, with my job, for whatever reason, I've just been giving up a lot of control and just having a couple of other guys do this and that. I'm more like a mentor and experimenter. I figure out what needs to be done and usually these guys can tackle it. It's stuff that I care about, but nothing really critical right now. It helps, though. I'm getting better. I'm actually looking forward to the fact my company is giving me more resources to work with and to help me get things done. I'm finding it easier to deal with the Trust Gap. That's what it's all about. You have to deal with the gap; it's not going away.
But, in some things, I have to care less.
